The Dragon's Side of the Story's Never Told

What a day yesterday. There was a knock at my bedroom door at 3am after I'd been up most of the night picking myself apart. It was my boy. My first instinct is that he needs his mama. There was flash of annoyance at his waking me up, but a flicker really. I am jealous of my sleep, but it wasn't as if I was getting any. I told him to give me just a second to get some clothes on. He waited outside the door. I eased it open and put my hand on his shoulder. He seemed okay with that, so I told him to come here and let me hug him. And I did. For a long while. Some of the hardest realizations at his level of emotional maturity is that you're part of the problem. No one is ever the whole problem.

I went downstairs and made a huge pot of coffee and took him a cup in the mug with the sugar skull. I chose the transparent royal blue with the lovely foot and sat down across from him in my chair. We talked for about two hours. It's selfish, but I appreciated the time to just be with him. I miss that booger. I won't go into the subject because that's his life and his heart. The best way to get out of your own head is to have someone who needs you and feels comfortable enough in your love and trust that he can wake you up at 3am and know it's the right thing to do. He wanted to talk to me, but he also asked my advice. I'm pretty good with advice about other people's lives. It's that bardo of knowing it and then applying it to my life. I guess we all know that struggle.

Around 5:30, I figured it was best to go ahead and wash this hair, so I did. I dressed carefully for work and the things that had to follow. Everything has to be a racer back for the next few weeks. Did my best to cover the bruised lip from the pole saw. Don't fight a pole saw, you'll look like someone punched you in the mouth and the pole saw probably likes it. I frankly didn't manage to keep it covered the whole day. Hopefully no one was looking at my mouth with this fresh wash standing out wildly all over my head like a ginger Medusa. "It seems the dragon's side of the story's never told." I carefully moisturized my fresh tattoo.

I went back downstairs and gathered what I needed for the day. Tucked the giant empty peanut butter jar that I'd held on to into my computer bag and pulled a frozen meal for my lunch. I've opted to take half doses of the two meds I think might be causing problems. It sure feels like mania to me. I had to take the second half of one of them later in the day. It's a process. I was out the door by 6:30. 

Got to work right at 7 and clocked right in. Went straight to it and ironed out some issues I'd been chasing for months. We've learned a few lessons in that process. My mind felt more clear than it has in a long time and that is rewarding. Maybe between the hormones and the meds, I can keep my wits about me. Left right at 2:45 to go to PT. My shoulder has felt good and strong for the most part for a couple weeks now. That's progress and I'm glad to see it happen. All of the exercises were easy and I noticed pretty good balance in strength between my arms, and that too, is progress.

Got a text from Stephen just as Mackin sat me down with my end-of-session ice pack letting me know he was at the shop when I was ready. Man, you've got perfect timing. Scheduled my appointments for the next two weeks and headed over.

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