I Think it's Time I Stopped Feeling Guilty for That

It seems like every 48-hour period gets weirder and more intense. He's leaning in, but he acts like he's leaning out. No man stays around for this long if "you don't put out and Zip City's so far away." He's a good support person on a Friday night when you call to see if he wants to see you this weekend. Luci ate something she should not have. So he's been watching her all night to see if she needs the emergency vet. She finally settled into his shoulder in bed and slept. No one will ever love you like your animal companion will. I love her more than I'll ever love him. 1pm Sunday. I'm his Sunday girl. Ew.

I've seen six shows in nine days and that's if you don't count the two pre-show shows I saw. My heart is full, but my tank is out of gas. I am so tired. But I feel guilty for not staying productive constantly. That, in addition to my full-time job, my baby's full-on emotional crisis, trying to keep a house alone, dealing with an emotional crisis of my own between and blond and a Greek, physical therapy, being a wingman  for my ex, working hard for a nonprofit that feels like purgatory, and remembering to breathe. I won't even mention the situation where I heard what I heard. Or the whole fiasco of the people who matter knowing that I'm neither violent or stupid. I am not about to go after someone physically under full lighting, surrounded by like 300 of our friends because they would devour me. As well they should. It just could not have happened that way. I should have handled that third situation better. I'll own that. I don't think I should have not said, but I think there could have been more tact and better environment. I had no chill. My tendency to be protective of women got the better of me. Tacos before vatos. I may have lost someone I really love to that. So be it. I'd rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I ain't.

I've been busy and I like it that way. I feel like I'm living my best life. I have to say, that left tragus is a disaster from wearing earplugs all those nights. I'm serious about protecting my hearing. I understand that bands want to rock hard and loud, but...deafness in age runs in my family and I wear sunscreen and get my preventive checks and I wear earplugs. Keeps me from sounding like  90% of the men I know every time I speak: HUH?

I'm truly alright. I could go out there and scream and fight and argue and whatever, but there isn't a thing I could say to change anyone's mind. If they believe that, they believe it. “Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.” I heard what I heard and I am not violent.


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