Long as They Stay Mad at One Another, They Can't Get Mad at Me

Some nights are like this in Suwanee, Georgia. Don't ask me how I am. Pick a category and ask a question.

I realized a few days ago that my poor lemon tree had a parasite. I thought for two years that this baby had just been going through a rough time. Tough thing. Relatable thing. It lived through all that and wasn't even just being a dramatic bitch. So I got some horticultural oil and sprayed her down for a few days in a row and then combed over her carefully today, scraping off the parasites. Scale. They call it scale. Red blobs that start green and look as if they're growing right out of the plant.

I've been running. It's what I do when I don't know what else to do. And it works for me. And I love it. I love it because it hurts I love it because it clears my whole mind. Active meditation. I have my best and clearest realizations while running and right before I fall asleep at night.

I've been meaning to get back to here. I won't start. All I know is that fighting never fixed a thing and I'm tired of fighting. I don't play. That's what Gabe said the other day. "Mom, you don't play games."

I'm so proud to announce the go-live of the website for the nonprofit I've been working with for a few months. This is such a good cause, so close to my heart for so many reasons. And it's become home. They get me. They understand just how much I'm Nobody's Darling. And how I prefer thanks to be quiet. I love y'all and I'm happy to be part of something good, but don't look directly at me for it. It just makes my insides itch. Anyway, go check out https://www.gigarage.org/ because they are doing good things in a place where that kind of good is hard to find. I've been so touched and I think I've been able to pass that on inside this organization. I do love me a veteran.

This website is my baby. I made and wrote the bios and the testimonials based on interviews. Talks, really. Just organic chats. They go where they will. Working on a third tomorrow, hopefully, along with some ideas for fundraising and events. And my UGA grant writing course starts in less than a month. Sometimes doing a good thing gives you more good than you can possibly give back.

I still have that daily moment of pure self-doubt. Today was no exception. What the hell is wrong with these people? I am tired. Y'all reflect a little. It's hard. It might make you hate yourself for a while. But then, you get better and you don't leave this trail of destruction. That's bad. Don't do that to people. And if you're so vain that you think this post is about you, you're wrong. It's really just one man and you ain't him.

If you know someone not in my friends list who likes to read, please share my link. I just want to keep the dead lizards off my page. Boundaries like a motherfucker. I'm just too tired and too busy with the real life out here to sit around and fight people on the internet. You are more than welcome to walk a mile over here in Suwanee, Georgia if you want to to talk.

My goal is to do more good. And I can't do that if I'm sitting here all alone. Things get better when you want them to. And I do. And they are. Funny how that happens when you least expect it. But some nights are like this in Suwanee, Georgia.

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