To Meet or Not to Meet
This blog is for one of the ones that I think got away. We'll call him Joe. I "met" Joe on Plenty of Fish and I liked his combination of bronze skin and beautiful bone structure. He was added to my Sexy Bald Men List from the moment I saw his scruffy, tan face and his soulful, dark eyes.
Joe owned a comic book shop in a town just across the Alabama line. I know! I'm such a nerd that the thought of an equally nerdy guy was just what I was looking for. Joe was seven years my senior and so intelligent that he made me look rather ordinary. His sharp wit and tendency to tease me as relentlessly as I tease all of the people I like (I flirt like a middle schooler) just made him more attractive to me.
We would talk on the phone for hours. He sounded like he was from Alabama, but in a sexy way. I know, that's a hard combination to imagine, but he was southern, yet articulate, and his deep voice and that laugh that came from down in his soul were incredibly sexy. We told each other stories and laughed about our childhoods and I started dreaming of the day when I'd get to look up into those dark eyes and reach out to touch him. I wanted to be close to him.
That in combination with the fact that he owned his own home and had a car and seemed to have all of his ducks in a row made him the right kind of guy for me, I thought. I understood that he was a busy man: he ran the comic store six days a week and then spent Sunday hustling to make some extra cash to keep his head above water. I was attracted to the fact that he was so passionate about his business that he was committed to seven days of work. I understood why he kept putting off our meeting for the first couple of weeks.
I started to get quite impatient about the same time that the Alabama tornadoes struck his little area of the world. One came frighteningly close to my house as well. His mother's home was damaged in the event and he spent the better part of one day tracking her down to make sure that she was okay. Of course that just made me like him more. A man who loves his mama is always attractive. You can judge the content of a man's character by how he treats his mother. That leads me to another story... But his devotion to the cleanup effort and his sense of community made me want to help, so the day after, I went to give blood to help. I do that often and I've since become a gallon donor.
So, I understood why he was still not scheduling time to meet me. He was holding his business together by a thread while trying to rebuild his life and his town, so patiently I waited. We talked every day and around my school and work schedule and his constant motion, we had a pretty good situation, but I wanted to be close to him.
I know that sounds insane, but when you build this relationship with someone for weeks and you've never met, it's a longing that most people cannot understand. I wanted to be with him in every aspect of the word. I wanted to touch his sexy scruffy face and kiss his full, soft-looking lips. I wanted to know what it was to memorize the feel of his kiss. I wanted to feel his hands on my skin. I wanted to know his scent and remember every time I was in his presence what that aroma did to me. I wanted to see his face crack into a laugh and be there when the sound rolled out of him. We had connected on a mental level, and were both attracted to each other, so I wanted to see if the emotional level and the chemical level was there. But it just never happened.
One day he announced that he expected us to be seeing other people. I kind of took this as his way of asking permission to see other people and make sure I was okay with it. Since we'd never actually even met, who was I to say he couldn't? It hurt me, but I had no grounds to object. So, I took that to mean that I should be dating too.
Eventually, I met someone else. I say "met" but we'd known each other for several years at this juncture, we just finally decided to actually see each other. I'd nursed a crush on the fellow since the day I'd met him, so I jumped at the chance to see him. I stopped waking up thinking of Joe. I stopped texting him silly messages and teasing him. He stopped calling and I stopped calling.
One day he sent a text asking how I was and I had to tell him that I'd met someone. I think I broke his heart. He told me that it had been a long time since he'd liked someone as much as he liked me and that he felt betrayed. He didn't say "betrayed" but that's what I think he meant. Had I known he felt that strongly, I would have been more patient. But after more than a month of not seeing each other, I kind of felt like we'd been playing cat and mouse and I don't like games. I told him that I was sorry and I never meant to upset him. He got a little angry and asked that I not contact him again and we haven't spoken since.
I always wondered what it would have been like for us. I wonder what would have come of what we had, because it was definitely something. If it hadn't been something, it wouldn't be bothering me now, would it. So, Joe, if you're out there, I'm still sorry. I hope you met the redhead of your dreams and that you finally found the peace and happiness your deep, tender heart deserved. And if you haven't, then maybe one day, we'll cross paths again and this time, I'll know what your hand feels like wrapped around mine and my heart will know your eyes.
Joe owned a comic book shop in a town just across the Alabama line. I know! I'm such a nerd that the thought of an equally nerdy guy was just what I was looking for. Joe was seven years my senior and so intelligent that he made me look rather ordinary. His sharp wit and tendency to tease me as relentlessly as I tease all of the people I like (I flirt like a middle schooler) just made him more attractive to me.
We would talk on the phone for hours. He sounded like he was from Alabama, but in a sexy way. I know, that's a hard combination to imagine, but he was southern, yet articulate, and his deep voice and that laugh that came from down in his soul were incredibly sexy. We told each other stories and laughed about our childhoods and I started dreaming of the day when I'd get to look up into those dark eyes and reach out to touch him. I wanted to be close to him.
That in combination with the fact that he owned his own home and had a car and seemed to have all of his ducks in a row made him the right kind of guy for me, I thought. I understood that he was a busy man: he ran the comic store six days a week and then spent Sunday hustling to make some extra cash to keep his head above water. I was attracted to the fact that he was so passionate about his business that he was committed to seven days of work. I understood why he kept putting off our meeting for the first couple of weeks.
I started to get quite impatient about the same time that the Alabama tornadoes struck his little area of the world. One came frighteningly close to my house as well. His mother's home was damaged in the event and he spent the better part of one day tracking her down to make sure that she was okay. Of course that just made me like him more. A man who loves his mama is always attractive. You can judge the content of a man's character by how he treats his mother. That leads me to another story... But his devotion to the cleanup effort and his sense of community made me want to help, so the day after, I went to give blood to help. I do that often and I've since become a gallon donor.
So, I understood why he was still not scheduling time to meet me. He was holding his business together by a thread while trying to rebuild his life and his town, so patiently I waited. We talked every day and around my school and work schedule and his constant motion, we had a pretty good situation, but I wanted to be close to him.
I know that sounds insane, but when you build this relationship with someone for weeks and you've never met, it's a longing that most people cannot understand. I wanted to be with him in every aspect of the word. I wanted to touch his sexy scruffy face and kiss his full, soft-looking lips. I wanted to know what it was to memorize the feel of his kiss. I wanted to feel his hands on my skin. I wanted to know his scent and remember every time I was in his presence what that aroma did to me. I wanted to see his face crack into a laugh and be there when the sound rolled out of him. We had connected on a mental level, and were both attracted to each other, so I wanted to see if the emotional level and the chemical level was there. But it just never happened.
One day he announced that he expected us to be seeing other people. I kind of took this as his way of asking permission to see other people and make sure I was okay with it. Since we'd never actually even met, who was I to say he couldn't? It hurt me, but I had no grounds to object. So, I took that to mean that I should be dating too.
Eventually, I met someone else. I say "met" but we'd known each other for several years at this juncture, we just finally decided to actually see each other. I'd nursed a crush on the fellow since the day I'd met him, so I jumped at the chance to see him. I stopped waking up thinking of Joe. I stopped texting him silly messages and teasing him. He stopped calling and I stopped calling.
One day he sent a text asking how I was and I had to tell him that I'd met someone. I think I broke his heart. He told me that it had been a long time since he'd liked someone as much as he liked me and that he felt betrayed. He didn't say "betrayed" but that's what I think he meant. Had I known he felt that strongly, I would have been more patient. But after more than a month of not seeing each other, I kind of felt like we'd been playing cat and mouse and I don't like games. I told him that I was sorry and I never meant to upset him. He got a little angry and asked that I not contact him again and we haven't spoken since.
I always wondered what it would have been like for us. I wonder what would have come of what we had, because it was definitely something. If it hadn't been something, it wouldn't be bothering me now, would it. So, Joe, if you're out there, I'm still sorry. I hope you met the redhead of your dreams and that you finally found the peace and happiness your deep, tender heart deserved. And if you haven't, then maybe one day, we'll cross paths again and this time, I'll know what your hand feels like wrapped around mine and my heart will know your eyes.
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