The Beginning
This whole blog is a suggestion from a good friend, and as I love to write, I think I'll take him up on it. I mentioned some of my adventures in online dating and they apparently make good stories, so I'll recount one a post for your amusement.
I say for your amusement, but let's be honest here. I think that if I write this blog, two things will happen: instead of this whole process turning into a powerful monster that has control over my self-esteem, writing about it can help it become instead, a catharsis for me and also a hand out to all the other people out there who are getting back into the dating world and feel alone. You are not alone. And you aren't the only one that has had some crazy.
So, I guess a little background is important. I'm 27 and a single mother of a small child. I worked my way through college and (thank goodness) I'm finally in a place that the money and the time are somewhat equal, and maybe, just maybe, there's enough money that the extra time doesn't have to be spent rearranging the money so that all the ends meet and stay tied. Just thinking about that almost gets me choked up! So, I'm educated (finally), articulate, intelligent, witty, athletic, and pretty in a very pale albino kind of way. I'm pretty awesome.
I'm a runner. For me, it's therapy. It's church. It's where I go to find god. Not that I'm religious, but I think that god is in all things. God is the smile of that baby boy when I make pancakes for breakfast, god is the intensity of losing yourself, god is the perfect ray of sunshine falling through the perfect mote of dust in a sparkly swirl, god is the depth of a truly broken heart, god is the smell of the air and running shoes on a crisp, fall morning, god is that feeling of wonder that you get when you see somewhere you've never been, god is a little piece of each of us and everyone who has ever lived, all swirled together in a beautiful rainbow of pleasure and pain, and when I run, I am all of those things. When I know I'm going to run, my heart fills with love and passion and fire and I'm more myself, in all of my good and bad than any other time. Then it's over and it's catharsis.
Like most single parents, and all parents, my son is my sun. I revolve around him. He is the reason I'm alive, my inspiration, my muse, my purpose, my heart outside my body, exposed and vulnerable for all the world to see. He's brilliant and funny, and he tells me I'm the best mom in the world. I'm not, but his thinking I am makes me want to try harder, so I can be what he believes I am.
Well, the strength of my love for him, I know I have to protect him from the crazy. Even on the days that I've let myself feel like less than I am, I have to protect him from that. He believes I'm awesome, so I don't want to let on that I don't always believe it. So, half the struggle with dating is not letting him see what's going on. He's at that age now. He told me the other day that I had "a lot of boyfriends," then the little snot starting naming all of them since he was two. Ouch.
Basically, this blog will cover my adventures in online dating. And boy, do I have some doozies. I thought it was a good idea because you can sort of screen these men before you have to see them in person. So, between that and all of them doing the same thing, each of us looking for something personal and having to articulate it in a few words of a profile and a photograph that never captures the reality of who we are in all of our glory, you get some interesting experiences. But hey, isn't that what life is about? Life is experiences, life is learning, life is becoming yourself, from caterpillar to butterfly, or whatever you want to be from whatever you are. I hope that reading these hilarious, humiliating, human stories helps you feel better about your own experiences, because it's already helping me feel better about mine.
So, with all of that said, I'll stop yammering and get on with the good stuff. Enjoy, and laugh, because when it's all said and done, that's what will get you through. Love to all.
I say for your amusement, but let's be honest here. I think that if I write this blog, two things will happen: instead of this whole process turning into a powerful monster that has control over my self-esteem, writing about it can help it become instead, a catharsis for me and also a hand out to all the other people out there who are getting back into the dating world and feel alone. You are not alone. And you aren't the only one that has had some crazy.
So, I guess a little background is important. I'm 27 and a single mother of a small child. I worked my way through college and (thank goodness) I'm finally in a place that the money and the time are somewhat equal, and maybe, just maybe, there's enough money that the extra time doesn't have to be spent rearranging the money so that all the ends meet and stay tied. Just thinking about that almost gets me choked up! So, I'm educated (finally), articulate, intelligent, witty, athletic, and pretty in a very pale albino kind of way. I'm pretty awesome.
I'm a runner. For me, it's therapy. It's church. It's where I go to find god. Not that I'm religious, but I think that god is in all things. God is the smile of that baby boy when I make pancakes for breakfast, god is the intensity of losing yourself, god is the perfect ray of sunshine falling through the perfect mote of dust in a sparkly swirl, god is the depth of a truly broken heart, god is the smell of the air and running shoes on a crisp, fall morning, god is that feeling of wonder that you get when you see somewhere you've never been, god is a little piece of each of us and everyone who has ever lived, all swirled together in a beautiful rainbow of pleasure and pain, and when I run, I am all of those things. When I know I'm going to run, my heart fills with love and passion and fire and I'm more myself, in all of my good and bad than any other time. Then it's over and it's catharsis.
Like most single parents, and all parents, my son is my sun. I revolve around him. He is the reason I'm alive, my inspiration, my muse, my purpose, my heart outside my body, exposed and vulnerable for all the world to see. He's brilliant and funny, and he tells me I'm the best mom in the world. I'm not, but his thinking I am makes me want to try harder, so I can be what he believes I am.
Well, the strength of my love for him, I know I have to protect him from the crazy. Even on the days that I've let myself feel like less than I am, I have to protect him from that. He believes I'm awesome, so I don't want to let on that I don't always believe it. So, half the struggle with dating is not letting him see what's going on. He's at that age now. He told me the other day that I had "a lot of boyfriends," then the little snot starting naming all of them since he was two. Ouch.
Basically, this blog will cover my adventures in online dating. And boy, do I have some doozies. I thought it was a good idea because you can sort of screen these men before you have to see them in person. So, between that and all of them doing the same thing, each of us looking for something personal and having to articulate it in a few words of a profile and a photograph that never captures the reality of who we are in all of our glory, you get some interesting experiences. But hey, isn't that what life is about? Life is experiences, life is learning, life is becoming yourself, from caterpillar to butterfly, or whatever you want to be from whatever you are. I hope that reading these hilarious, humiliating, human stories helps you feel better about your own experiences, because it's already helping me feel better about mine.
So, with all of that said, I'll stop yammering and get on with the good stuff. Enjoy, and laugh, because when it's all said and done, that's what will get you through. Love to all.
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