Not Your Mama or Your Mistress
I've officially gotten all through my past adventures in the online dating. Now we can get to the recent stuff. My goal is to post at least one blog a week because there's only so much dating a single mother can really do and material for a blog is scarcer than one might believe. There are so many...normals out there. Just downright nice, friendly, not scary or weird or crazy at all men. So, kudos to the men who don't end up here.
I openly post my blog link on my online dating profile, with the information that no names are given in my blog. I change them to protect the innocent (and the creeptastic). So, this blog gets to the material that caused my dear friend to suggest I start a blog in the first place. That was about two weeks after I opened my OKCupid profile for people to see, so we all know that the insanity started pretty quickly after I started dating. With that said, here goes.
The next few posts I'll dedicate to just the stuff that happened before I even went out with any of these men. I was quite cautious at first, obviously, with my awesome track record for picking the best guys on the internet. I think that part of the reason that I find the freaks is because on the internet, you can hide behind this anonymity. You can lie about who you are, where you're from, your marital status, and even your sex if you want to. It's so easy to become whatever you want to be with no consequences. With that said, in the first week I had my profile, I had three dates. But I'll blog each of those later. Today is for what happened before I consented to a date (prefaced with a shocked retrospective knowledge that I ever went out at all after this).
I'm proactive. If I found a guy that I liked, whose profile looked appealing, I'd message him. How else will he know that I like him? From day one, that kind of backfired on me. I started IMing one guy who seemed kind of awesome. He was tall and handsome and had all of his little life ducks in a row and was looking for someone to share it with. He sounded like me! So I messaged him and he popped up in that little window at the bottom of my screen and we began chatting. I think my shortcoming with this fellow is that I come across as strong and dominant in most aspects of my life. I'm intelligent, confident, athletic, and financially secure (FINALLY!!!). I may also not be too hard to look at, the jury is still out on that one.
All of that combined with the fact that I mentioned at the time in my profile that I was a control freak about some things because I had to be. No one seems to get past the control freak part. Of course, I've since removed that part because of the interesting element it attracts. Oh, you know where this is going.
So, talking to this guy about books and music and family, I ask him what his least favorite aspect of my personality was so far. I get this more often than I care to admit, but he said "honestly, that you have a kid". For some reason, that is still a crushing blow to my ego. You mean that the thing I'm the best at is the thing that you like the least about me? Wow, speaks volumes for you. At that point I had already started to kind of write him off because before anything, I'm a mother. My kiddo is the beating of my heart. If a man can't accept that about me, then he can never accept me.
Then things really got weird. I know, you're thinking things aren't weird yet. Just wait. So he asks me about my personality. He specifically mentions that I'm controlling. Now, that's not accurate. At all. I'm one of the most laid back relationship types in the world. I want a man who wants to maintain his individual identity, and wants me to do the same. I don't want to create a single unit out of two people. I need my personality. I need some personal freedom. I'm not jealous or demanding or high maintenance. I don't want to be a job, I want to be a pleasure.
Then he freaks me right out. He says that he's not at all dominant. Okay, that's good, right? Even knowing enough about the BDSM underground did not prepare me for what he asked next. He never came right out and said "dominatrix", but that is exactly what he wanted. I am not that woman!
I didn't want to express that he freaked me right out, but I did gently let him know that I wasn't that into being a domme. This is literally the first guy I've spoken to on the internet after a three year relationship with a man so vanilla he barely had a flavor at all. I'm into experimenting (life is an adventure after all) but I just don't know about the leather and chains and crazy shoes (wait, nope, I love the crazy shoes, just with more... pants). After the comment about his comment about not being thrilled that I was someone's mom combined with the fact that he kind of needed a mom in the bedroom, I was just totally turned off. I'm comfortable enough with myself and my interests to tell him so. He seemed disappointed, but he got and off he went. Thank goodness.
Next week, you get the tale of the overshare. Too bad about that one, because he was gorgeous...
I openly post my blog link on my online dating profile, with the information that no names are given in my blog. I change them to protect the innocent (and the creeptastic). So, this blog gets to the material that caused my dear friend to suggest I start a blog in the first place. That was about two weeks after I opened my OKCupid profile for people to see, so we all know that the insanity started pretty quickly after I started dating. With that said, here goes.
The next few posts I'll dedicate to just the stuff that happened before I even went out with any of these men. I was quite cautious at first, obviously, with my awesome track record for picking the best guys on the internet. I think that part of the reason that I find the freaks is because on the internet, you can hide behind this anonymity. You can lie about who you are, where you're from, your marital status, and even your sex if you want to. It's so easy to become whatever you want to be with no consequences. With that said, in the first week I had my profile, I had three dates. But I'll blog each of those later. Today is for what happened before I consented to a date (prefaced with a shocked retrospective knowledge that I ever went out at all after this).
I'm proactive. If I found a guy that I liked, whose profile looked appealing, I'd message him. How else will he know that I like him? From day one, that kind of backfired on me. I started IMing one guy who seemed kind of awesome. He was tall and handsome and had all of his little life ducks in a row and was looking for someone to share it with. He sounded like me! So I messaged him and he popped up in that little window at the bottom of my screen and we began chatting. I think my shortcoming with this fellow is that I come across as strong and dominant in most aspects of my life. I'm intelligent, confident, athletic, and financially secure (FINALLY!!!). I may also not be too hard to look at, the jury is still out on that one.
All of that combined with the fact that I mentioned at the time in my profile that I was a control freak about some things because I had to be. No one seems to get past the control freak part. Of course, I've since removed that part because of the interesting element it attracts. Oh, you know where this is going.
So, talking to this guy about books and music and family, I ask him what his least favorite aspect of my personality was so far. I get this more often than I care to admit, but he said "honestly, that you have a kid". For some reason, that is still a crushing blow to my ego. You mean that the thing I'm the best at is the thing that you like the least about me? Wow, speaks volumes for you. At that point I had already started to kind of write him off because before anything, I'm a mother. My kiddo is the beating of my heart. If a man can't accept that about me, then he can never accept me.
Then things really got weird. I know, you're thinking things aren't weird yet. Just wait. So he asks me about my personality. He specifically mentions that I'm controlling. Now, that's not accurate. At all. I'm one of the most laid back relationship types in the world. I want a man who wants to maintain his individual identity, and wants me to do the same. I don't want to create a single unit out of two people. I need my personality. I need some personal freedom. I'm not jealous or demanding or high maintenance. I don't want to be a job, I want to be a pleasure.
Then he freaks me right out. He says that he's not at all dominant. Okay, that's good, right? Even knowing enough about the BDSM underground did not prepare me for what he asked next. He never came right out and said "dominatrix", but that is exactly what he wanted. I am not that woman!
I didn't want to express that he freaked me right out, but I did gently let him know that I wasn't that into being a domme. This is literally the first guy I've spoken to on the internet after a three year relationship with a man so vanilla he barely had a flavor at all. I'm into experimenting (life is an adventure after all) but I just don't know about the leather and chains and crazy shoes (wait, nope, I love the crazy shoes, just with more... pants). After the comment about his comment about not being thrilled that I was someone's mom combined with the fact that he kind of needed a mom in the bedroom, I was just totally turned off. I'm comfortable enough with myself and my interests to tell him so. He seemed disappointed, but he got and off he went. Thank goodness.
Next week, you get the tale of the overshare. Too bad about that one, because he was gorgeous...
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