I'm Home and I Ain't Leaving Here Again

Shew, I have been busy. I usually like staying busy, but this has been a bit much. I hit the ground running on Monday with a repeat blood test. I bragged about how I am not scared of needles and I'm a multi-gallon blood donor and that I basically have permanent track marks. Then I'm pretty sure the tech poked a hole through my whole arm. Bloomed into a lovely greenish-yellow bruise that has lasted for days. And the stupid thing hurt all day too.

Immediately after that, Gabe had an orthodontist appointment. The structural correction is going well. Someone tell that boy to wear his rubber bands if he doesn't want to have picket fence teeth like his mama. Vanity may be our only hope. The child is vain.

Tuesday was emotional. I woke up at 5am crying after going to bed Monday night crying. Waited all day for news. It arrived between 3 and 4 and I started crying again and cried until I went to bed. Relief and happiness this time. I don't consider myself a fearful person, but I get real soft when it comes to people I love. I don't love anyone just a little bit. I took myself out to celebrate to this beautiful little place that I will eventually have to take more folks to. It is so cool. Bubble tea and took one to Gabe at work.

My Monday late conversation got me thinking about my dad. I never realized that it must have been traumatic to me to learn to drive taking my dad to chemo. I never wanted to drive, so maybe being needed was part of the grand plan. I wonder if that's why I still have so much anxiety about driving. Especially in traffic or long distances. I sure do like riding along though. I'm a labrador. Just roll down the window and pat me every once in a while. And fine, I'll drive some too. Just talk to me. Anyway, so that's a new thing to unpack. But you know, I knew for a long time that my love language is acts of service to others. So maybe that's where it all began. Or maybe that tendency developed the situation as it was.

Wednesday, I had the first meeting with an orthopedist about my shoulder. X-rays looked great, nothing to see there. Did all of the exams and looks like lateral adduction is the problem, indicating AC joint involvement more than rotator cuff. I also think the coracoid process is involved from the type and inconsistency of pain. Since I have a record of having this shoulder looked at, medicated, treated, I should get an MRI without much trouble and then we can see what's going on from there. I've known for a while I'll need surgery. I'm not afraid of the actual surgery or pain or any of that. I'm afraid of not being able to take care of myself for weeks. With my knee, I lost 12 pounds by accident because even feeding myself on one leg was an orchestration.


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