Everyone Takes Notice of the Drawl that Leaves our Mouth

Some nights are like this in Suwanee, Georgia. Feet on the ottoman covered in thick, fuzzy socks with the tready things on bottom. That did not save me from falling on the really clean floors in the kitchen when I changed directions too fast. And you know what you do when you fall? You catch yourself by putting out the hand of your dominant arm. For me, that's the busted one. And they say that's how this exact injury occurs sometimes. So I'm medicated.

I did not sleep well last night. I went to bed angry, woke up at 1am angry, and then crawled out of bed this morning angry. More angry. I can hear my mother in my head saying "Being mad's like peeing on yourself: everyone else can see it, but you're the only one who can feel it." Then trying to adjust my attitude accordingly. It took most of the day and then I got mad about the same thing all over again. I've got to correct that. I just hate feeling like I'm not making myself clear and I hate not understanding.

I decided that with our quarterly bonus, I'd finally buy a kitchen table and decorate the room with the turntable. I bought the sofa I've wanted for a decade. It's lovely and I'm so excited to see it all come together. I'm gonna need another ottoman. Y'all come see me.

The tape on my shoulder has held for three days. So I must be getting good at it. It's getting itchy. Maybe time to peel that off and go again.

We're supposed to be in the office tomorrow and I was looking forward to the rower. It's about the only thing I can do that doesn't hurt until we get this shoulder sorted. My MRI was denied by my insurance. I'm not sure what to do next. But I'll just keep advocating until I'm healed.
The hiccup is that we might get weather tonight. It might well freeze and there is no way I'm going to battle the brotatoes in their big trucks hotdogging all up the highway. I will stay here with my fuzzy socks and my ottoman like a sane person.

I was sitting in the empty house feeling a little lonely and the phone rang. Gabe calling from work to talk to me. About not much really, just to talk. He does that sometimes. I'm a lucky mom. My sister called when I was on with him. They each managed to call me back again. Those two filled in the blank for me tonight. I am more than happy with the love I feel.

Had leftover chicken picatta for dinner. Remembering how I couldn't open the caper jar by myself and feeling so fine to just hand it to someone else. That's progress. Leftovers with good vibes. I like that idea.

I am so tired. I'm sure I'll sleep well. I guess I better not go to bed mad tonight. I tried to correct it. I really did. Sometimes it's not up to you to fix a thing. Sometimes all you can do is be present and as understanding and empathetic as possible and things sort themselves out.

The past several months have shown me that about myself. Apparently, people feel comfortable telling me about their struggles. Mental health and physical health and relationship health. I can't explain what an honor it is that people feel safe with me. It's basically all I ever wanted in life. I hope that I continue to be that person for people I care about. It feels good.

Trust is so hard for me, but people trust me. I guess that's what it is. Feeling as if all of those walls I have are gone when someone else is vulnerable. Sometimes these quiet times alone bring so much clarity. Some nights are like that in Suwanee, Georgia. I hope they stay this way no matter where I go.