Casanova/Control Freak
I have a terrible problem with remembering the names of the men I never actually met. I'm a faces person. Today's story is about a man we'll just call Jason. Mostly because I loathe that name for entirely other reasons.
I had a red flag at Jason when I saw on his profile that he was "Christian and serious about it." I should have known then that we were not going to work out. I know, that even sounds kind of narrow of me, but to be honest, it's very hard for me to relate to someone who is that absorbed in faith. I haven't got any religious faith of any kind and while I admire the power of faith as one of the most beautiful, innocent, pure forces in the human spectrum, I often encounter some unpleasant side effects of religious fervor. Jason is one of those cases.
I was obviously going to be the primary breadwinner in any relationship that we carried on. I don't make outrageous money doing what I do, but his income was alarmingly low as the assistant manager of one of a large retail chain of automotive parts stores. Honestly, money is kind of irrelevant to me as long as a man can pay his bills and keep his head above water without a sugar mama. This song comes to mind when I think this way. I like you, but I like my own creature comforts as well.
He was handsome in that dark way that I love and he had this megawatt smile that always does me in. Dimples and beautiful teeth. Those are the kind of smiles that can't be faked or replicated or compared with anything less than magnetic. His eyes were blue and his skin was lovely. He seemed to be in a similar place as I am in life. He was ready to find someone to love for the rest of his life. He wanted to settle down and be happy. That's such a lovely idea.
So, we exchanged phone numbers and agreed to have a few phone conversations before we met. Seems wise to the bravest of us. My phone rang at the agreed-upon time and I answered to a deep, kind of sexy, just barely southern voice. We had some common interests and even started talking about possibly doing laser tag as a first date.
He was not overly thrilled about my eight-year-old son, which always has me stomping the brakes. I'm not looking for a father for my son, I'm looking for a partner for myself. That includes my son. We are a package deal, but I'm doing all the parenting he requires right now and I don't need any man to help me do that part of my life. I got this.
What really kind of scared me is knowing that he wanted a family of his own, but he wasn't super interested in including my son as part of that. I love my baby more than I love the idea of more babies in the future. I'm just kind of present in the here and now like that. It's crazy how quickly you can pick up on someone being spooked by a kid. Most people can't hide that shit. When they try, it comes off as wooden and forced. Don't be so transparent.
Then we started talking about my gym routine. Above all, I'm a runner. But I also lift things and do core work to improve my performance in all aspects of my life. I like to punch the shit out of a heavy bag and I like to deadlift and I'm getting serious about reclaiming the beautiful deltoids that are my pride and joy.
So, he mentions that he really loves a french manicure. I can't keep my nails manicured. I keep my toes done perfectly by an amazingly talented fellow named Victor. But I don't do fingernails. I'm into too much stuff to be able to keep my nails done perfectly and if they get chipped or broken, I am incapable of leaving them be. I will pick at them mercilessly until there's nothing left. Apparently, that was an unacceptable arrangement for him.
You read that correctly. Apparently "all of" his exes had french manicures so I was expected to have one also. I flatly refused and he asked if there was room for negotiation. Well, there's not room for negotiation. I can't even grow natural nails and fake ones are not going to fit into my bag gloves.
He just said we could come back to this later. I balked a little at that. The best way to get my back up is to try to tell me what to do or get in the way of my doing what I want to do. I kind of just let that one drop, but I didn't forget it, either.
Of course, this brought up the conversation of whether he had control issues. I cannot handle a controlling man. I just can't do that. I don't ever want to be in a situation that prevents me from being myself because I'm afraid of what my partner will say or do or how he will react to what is integrally a part of myself. He of course, denied that he is even remotely controlling and offered references to confirm his claims. That's not weird at all.
We planned to have dinner at one of my favorite Italian places. I kind of liked that he let me help choose the restaurant, but he also immediately took the reins and did everything else without any further input from me. Well, I let it slide. What's the worst that could happen.
A few days later, we were having another conversation and the whole "I have guy friends" thing came up. I have numerous guy friends. I love them. I love them all. Each of them means something special to me.
Well, his mindset was that were he in a relationship with a woman, she shouldn't even have the phone numbers of other men saved in her phone. But that it was okay for him to have woman friends. Wait, so you're saying that you absolutely don't trust any woman ever? Did I get that right? At which point he illuminates the issue by telling me that he's been cheated on in the past.
Who the fuck hasn't been cheated on or otherwise betrayed by a partner in some way? I am not going to burden anyone in a current relationship with the sins of my exes and I expect the same treatment from any man. Apparently, this behavior was non-negotiable.
I knew then that he and I had absolutely no future together. I can't place myself in that situation, with the fear of losing some of the people who are closest to me. I was just in the wedding of a man I consider my brother, and to think that I would have to cut him out of my life because the man I chose to love was so jealous and controlling with his double-standards and irrational behaviors was unthinkable to me. It still is.
I would never choose new people in my life over the people I already know and love; the very people who have stood by my side and held me up through thick and thin. Why would I take a risk over a certainty? Why would I chance losing existing love to maybe find another kind of love? That's just not in my character. I love my friends. They are the family that I chose and each of them is important to me in his or her own way. So, frankly, fuck you and the double-standard-having, jealous-ass horse you came in on.
Next week, we're going to do a little something different. I'm going to lay out the list of awesome dating tips for men. I'm giving you the keys.
I had a red flag at Jason when I saw on his profile that he was "Christian and serious about it." I should have known then that we were not going to work out. I know, that even sounds kind of narrow of me, but to be honest, it's very hard for me to relate to someone who is that absorbed in faith. I haven't got any religious faith of any kind and while I admire the power of faith as one of the most beautiful, innocent, pure forces in the human spectrum, I often encounter some unpleasant side effects of religious fervor. Jason is one of those cases.
I was obviously going to be the primary breadwinner in any relationship that we carried on. I don't make outrageous money doing what I do, but his income was alarmingly low as the assistant manager of one of a large retail chain of automotive parts stores. Honestly, money is kind of irrelevant to me as long as a man can pay his bills and keep his head above water without a sugar mama. This song comes to mind when I think this way. I like you, but I like my own creature comforts as well.
He was handsome in that dark way that I love and he had this megawatt smile that always does me in. Dimples and beautiful teeth. Those are the kind of smiles that can't be faked or replicated or compared with anything less than magnetic. His eyes were blue and his skin was lovely. He seemed to be in a similar place as I am in life. He was ready to find someone to love for the rest of his life. He wanted to settle down and be happy. That's such a lovely idea.
So, we exchanged phone numbers and agreed to have a few phone conversations before we met. Seems wise to the bravest of us. My phone rang at the agreed-upon time and I answered to a deep, kind of sexy, just barely southern voice. We had some common interests and even started talking about possibly doing laser tag as a first date.
He was not overly thrilled about my eight-year-old son, which always has me stomping the brakes. I'm not looking for a father for my son, I'm looking for a partner for myself. That includes my son. We are a package deal, but I'm doing all the parenting he requires right now and I don't need any man to help me do that part of my life. I got this.
What really kind of scared me is knowing that he wanted a family of his own, but he wasn't super interested in including my son as part of that. I love my baby more than I love the idea of more babies in the future. I'm just kind of present in the here and now like that. It's crazy how quickly you can pick up on someone being spooked by a kid. Most people can't hide that shit. When they try, it comes off as wooden and forced. Don't be so transparent.
Then we started talking about my gym routine. Above all, I'm a runner. But I also lift things and do core work to improve my performance in all aspects of my life. I like to punch the shit out of a heavy bag and I like to deadlift and I'm getting serious about reclaiming the beautiful deltoids that are my pride and joy.
So, he mentions that he really loves a french manicure. I can't keep my nails manicured. I keep my toes done perfectly by an amazingly talented fellow named Victor. But I don't do fingernails. I'm into too much stuff to be able to keep my nails done perfectly and if they get chipped or broken, I am incapable of leaving them be. I will pick at them mercilessly until there's nothing left. Apparently, that was an unacceptable arrangement for him.
You read that correctly. Apparently "all of" his exes had french manicures so I was expected to have one also. I flatly refused and he asked if there was room for negotiation. Well, there's not room for negotiation. I can't even grow natural nails and fake ones are not going to fit into my bag gloves.
He just said we could come back to this later. I balked a little at that. The best way to get my back up is to try to tell me what to do or get in the way of my doing what I want to do. I kind of just let that one drop, but I didn't forget it, either.
Of course, this brought up the conversation of whether he had control issues. I cannot handle a controlling man. I just can't do that. I don't ever want to be in a situation that prevents me from being myself because I'm afraid of what my partner will say or do or how he will react to what is integrally a part of myself. He of course, denied that he is even remotely controlling and offered references to confirm his claims. That's not weird at all.
We planned to have dinner at one of my favorite Italian places. I kind of liked that he let me help choose the restaurant, but he also immediately took the reins and did everything else without any further input from me. Well, I let it slide. What's the worst that could happen.
A few days later, we were having another conversation and the whole "I have guy friends" thing came up. I have numerous guy friends. I love them. I love them all. Each of them means something special to me.
Well, his mindset was that were he in a relationship with a woman, she shouldn't even have the phone numbers of other men saved in her phone. But that it was okay for him to have woman friends. Wait, so you're saying that you absolutely don't trust any woman ever? Did I get that right? At which point he illuminates the issue by telling me that he's been cheated on in the past.
Who the fuck hasn't been cheated on or otherwise betrayed by a partner in some way? I am not going to burden anyone in a current relationship with the sins of my exes and I expect the same treatment from any man. Apparently, this behavior was non-negotiable.
I knew then that he and I had absolutely no future together. I can't place myself in that situation, with the fear of losing some of the people who are closest to me. I was just in the wedding of a man I consider my brother, and to think that I would have to cut him out of my life because the man I chose to love was so jealous and controlling with his double-standards and irrational behaviors was unthinkable to me. It still is.
I would never choose new people in my life over the people I already know and love; the very people who have stood by my side and held me up through thick and thin. Why would I take a risk over a certainty? Why would I chance losing existing love to maybe find another kind of love? That's just not in my character. I love my friends. They are the family that I chose and each of them is important to me in his or her own way. So, frankly, fuck you and the double-standard-having, jealous-ass horse you came in on.
Next week, we're going to do a little something different. I'm going to lay out the list of awesome dating tips for men. I'm giving you the keys.
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