If You're Seeing Things Running Through Your Head

I so rarely remember my dreams. And when I do remember my dreams, they're usually violent and traumatic. And they are usually just kind of blind glimpses. Last night, we decided to fix that. I had a full feature-length scary movie dream...which didn't scare me. I don't even watch scary movies when I'm awake because they terrify me to the point that I spend nights sweaty and not sleeping. My imagination is amazing. And it also sucks. So, double-edged swords and all that.

So my dream involved spending the night in this mansion, obviously. Gabe was there and some of my friends. Oh, look, there's what this means. More on that later. We were all assigned our rooms in broad daylight and the proprietor noted something about getting lost. Of course he did. So we all get settled into our various rooms on the same wing and began shuffling about in our various directions. Wait, here comes a plot twist. I wandered off alone and I went up some stairs and through a door and I was not where I expected I'd be. And evidently, we had company. Dead company. There were ghosts. And no matter what I did, it took me a long time to get back to where I was supposed to be. 

I wasn't afraid. I wasn't afraid. I've spent so much of my life terrified and I was not afraid this one time. I wasn't afraid of the ghosts. I wasn't afraid of being lost or afraid of being alone. I was anxious to get back to tell everyone about what was up so they could help me untangle it and get us all out. That was my goal. I had a plan and a goal and people to help. Ain't got time to be afraid of nothing.

Eventually, I found my way back to my people. To my baby. And of course, no one believed a word I said because they hadn't left their rooms to go look at the rest of what's out there. I'm not sure if Gabe believed me, but he supported me anyway. Of course he did because in my whole life, even when he says I'm crazy, he's my constant. He's my real people. So off we go to find our way to the front door so we can come back and save the sheeple.

It only took one door to prove to Gabe that in this instance, I was not insane. We were the freaking Ghostbusters for real. Except less ghost-busting and more maze-busting. We had to get out of there and back to the real world of what I'm certain was meant to be Athens. Trust me, all my dreams are metaphorical. My kid helped me save the world. Well, my world anyway. Even if he leaves my cast iron soaking in the sink. My blood pressure hasn't spiked that hard in months. Yes, I am publicly shaming him.


Anyway, we eventually found our way out of Escher-house. I have no idea if we went back to save everyone else. That is not my job. My job is not to save people who don't believe and support me. My job isn't to save anyone. My job is to get back to the real world with the people who love me and will help save ourselves. My job is to do my small good in the ways that I can. My job is to love and nurture the people who let me. And it's a job that I choose, not one done out of obligation. Here's to dreams.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

We Traveled Nationwide, Til We Settled Here on the East Side

Image
I am not supposed to consider my sleep as a factor in not feeling well. I keep having to remind myself of that. I'm entering my fourth week of mild,  self-controlled sleep deprivation, prescribed and overseen by a sleep psychologist. I woke up this morning feeling like I have the flu. I've had a headache for two days, I'm nauseated, I feel woozy. I slept through my alarm this morning. That has not happened in over a decade. I feel like I got good and drunk last night and have had about four drinks total in the past week. When she told me that we're doing at least another week, I didn't cry. I haven't cried yet. I do have a giant lump in my throat because all I want to do right now is crawl back in bed after a cup of coffee and my ADHD medications. Good news is that we always talk in the morning, so I'll have plenty of time to get this particular thing out of my system before bedtime. She says that's important. So much of what our appointments include is ...
Read more

Don't Forget the Key's Under the Mat

Image
It’s been the same every year on this day. I never can believe that he’s as old as he is. It’s his last real milestone to adulthood. He’s 21 today. In fifteen minutes, to be exact. The only one I have and I always knew he’d be the only one. As much as I always loved him, it wasn’t fair to even try to love someone else that much. I just don’t think I could. He’s been my favorite person since the moment he started being his own person. My baby, my buddy, my biggest fan, my confidante, my partner in crime, my adventure accomplice, my concert companion, my ride-or-die, my travel copilot, my best friend. We talk almost every day. My heart hopes it will always be that way, but my mind knows that I shouldn’t expect him to live his life for me. He’s out on his own now. People have asked me if that hurts. It’s two things. I miss him. Lord, do I miss him. I didn’t bake him a cake for the first time in his life this year. That breaks my heart more than I can find words to tell. I bought the ingre...
Read more

Don't Chase That Carrot Til it Makes You Sick

Image
I can't remember the last time I sat down to write. It's not that I'm uninspired or that I have writer's block or whatever. I have not had time to sit without my usual guilt. I sit here now with "clean out bedroom drawers" written in ink pen on my palm like a '90s phone number. I miss this. The time sitting still, a Tropicalia at my right hand, two in. James McMurtry in my ears, wondering if in a few weeks, I should buy one ticket or two. My God, I'm happy. I guess the time has come to share the news. I'll be a proper Athenian in a week and sixteen hours. I never thought in a million years that I'd own anything. It makes way more sense than I ever thought it would. I always said that with Gabe grown, I'd do this. I'd buy a condo in a city somewhere that I could walk or bike or ride a bus anywhere I wanted to be. Nowhere up North. I get cold. Nowhere out of the country, I have a criminal record, you know. And that seriously limits my opt...
Read more