Ampu... You Have Got to be Kidding Me
I know, they're getting few and far between aren't they? That's a topic for my next blog. Things are changing, and the journey is changing right along with them.
So this one is kind of a doozie. I'm still laughing about it months later. This date was proof that it takes all kinds of kinds to make the world go 'round. He was one of my OKCupid dates. He wasn't generally my "type" because he was kind of ginger and had a beard. Boy, do we have a few more of those to add to the list. But he was brilliant. A physicist from New York who worked in cancer research for radiation. He was funny and his sense of humor matched my own in a different kind of way. I liked that.
I sort of deflected from going out with him at the beginning because I've learned from this whole process that part of the reason I struggle with making connections with people from the internet is because I'm quite literally meeting strangers. That makes me nervous and freaks me right out. If I get to know someone pretty well before I meet him, I feel like there's more common ground. I also feel like that by talking to someone for a little while, I'm less nervous, I trust more and in the long run, you can kind of weed out the freaks before you go out with them. No one wants to date a freak.
He said he did a good deal of biking on the trail where I run myself and I love that some of us can be both academic and active. I've said before and I'll say again, activity helps clear my mind. Like it washes away all of the excess and leaves my brain clean and clear and happy, like a good summer storm, all ozone and cool breeze. I want to find someone else like that someday.
So, he chose the place. An obscure coffee shop that I'd never heard of. We bonded a bit over coffee. I'd had a crazy busy day and I'd been stuck at the office all day long during an extremely busy week of being stuck in the office. I was in my black pencil skirt, an eggplant top with a cluster of satin ruffles right at my chest, patent leather shoes and had my hair as wild and big as it could get. It took me forever to get there with traffic after having sat in traffic all day long and working until my brain stopped working.
The coffee shop was a tiny little house with four or five rooms and a large outdoor garden. I walked in, ordered myself a french press coffee (and it was entirely too hot for that), then wandered through the rooms. When I got to the farthest back room, I turned and there he was. I shouldn't have worn heels. That was my first thought. I towered. He was shorter, kind of paunchy and my goodness, his online photos had been airbrushed. His skin was, well, ginger skin. I have the same issues. Kind of washed out and blotchy, with kind of oily patches and some acne. I wanted to give him a soothing moisturizer and some sunscreen.
We hugged hello and went back to the front to order his coffee. Then we went outside to sit in the waning sunshine and talk. We talked about radiation and how much is safe and what exactly he was doing with work. He was a fantastic conversationalist. I really do adore talking to people. That's my favorite part of dating, I think. Learning so much from new people about their experiences and viewpoints. We are both atheist and in the south, that's a statement.
He recounted the story of his moving here from New York and talked about how he moved kind of quickly for work and when he got here he was looking for something entertaining to do, so he meandered down to a famous local town square, known for interesting shops, food, and events in the summer. When he got there, he accidentally happened upon a reenactment of Sherman's March to the Sea. Everyone was in Civil War era uniform and he was so freaked out that he wondered what in the world he had walked into and wondered if southerners did this all the time. I laughed and told him that Sweet Home Alabama wasn't just a crazy film, people really do that sort of thing.
So then he tells me about his love of antiqueing and I think that it's pretty cool. I love things with history. Things like me, damaged, but valuable. He tells me that he came across this vintage doll that he just couldn't resist. She was naked and had no arms or legs. He calls her... wait for it... he calls her "Amputina" and she is like his favorite possession. That's not weird.
Turns out he's one of those scornful atheist types. I'm just not that way. There are angry atheists and incredulous atheists and then scornful ones. I mean, it's hard for me to believe that people believe what they do about "God, with a capital 'G'" but I'm more the envious atheist. I wish I could believe with that conviction. I just don't. You won't hear me make fun of Christian folks any harder than I make fun of anyone else and I don't possess the vitriol to be scornful like some atheists do. I guess in my mind, acting that way just confirms what people believe about us. So he tells about this woman he once knew who was an atheist who decorated her whole bathroom in Jesus paraphernalia in an ironic way to make fun of Christians and he thought it was hilarious. I just thought it was kind of sad and strange. But what do I know?
So our date winds down and he walks me to my car. I wasn't particularly physically attracted to him, and I tried to make that very clear by hugging him and quickly retreating. Oh no, he isn't letting go. How can I extract myself from this without being bitchy or unkind? Oh no, he's leaning in to kiss me. Oh no, I don't like this at all. Let's untangle this quickly. Yeah, that's still unpleasant. RETREAT!
I finally created some distance between us. I've always wondered if my signals are just that confusing or if men just can't read them or if some guys are just fucking creeps. I don't know. Either way, when a girl hugs you goodnight while pointedly avoiding your lips, you shouldn't try to kiss her anyway. I can't stress that enough. I just felt awkward and uncomfortable and all I wanted to do was get out of there and go home.
I've learned my lesson about just not responding to messages or calls, so I just let it kind of fizzle out on its own. I was relieved more than anything. He just wasn't it for me.
My next blog is going to be catch up. What I'll do is tell you what happened to each of the guys and maybe share some of the things I've learned this year. It's been a year. Wow.
So this one is kind of a doozie. I'm still laughing about it months later. This date was proof that it takes all kinds of kinds to make the world go 'round. He was one of my OKCupid dates. He wasn't generally my "type" because he was kind of ginger and had a beard. Boy, do we have a few more of those to add to the list. But he was brilliant. A physicist from New York who worked in cancer research for radiation. He was funny and his sense of humor matched my own in a different kind of way. I liked that.
I sort of deflected from going out with him at the beginning because I've learned from this whole process that part of the reason I struggle with making connections with people from the internet is because I'm quite literally meeting strangers. That makes me nervous and freaks me right out. If I get to know someone pretty well before I meet him, I feel like there's more common ground. I also feel like that by talking to someone for a little while, I'm less nervous, I trust more and in the long run, you can kind of weed out the freaks before you go out with them. No one wants to date a freak.
He said he did a good deal of biking on the trail where I run myself and I love that some of us can be both academic and active. I've said before and I'll say again, activity helps clear my mind. Like it washes away all of the excess and leaves my brain clean and clear and happy, like a good summer storm, all ozone and cool breeze. I want to find someone else like that someday.
So, he chose the place. An obscure coffee shop that I'd never heard of. We bonded a bit over coffee. I'd had a crazy busy day and I'd been stuck at the office all day long during an extremely busy week of being stuck in the office. I was in my black pencil skirt, an eggplant top with a cluster of satin ruffles right at my chest, patent leather shoes and had my hair as wild and big as it could get. It took me forever to get there with traffic after having sat in traffic all day long and working until my brain stopped working.
The coffee shop was a tiny little house with four or five rooms and a large outdoor garden. I walked in, ordered myself a french press coffee (and it was entirely too hot for that), then wandered through the rooms. When I got to the farthest back room, I turned and there he was. I shouldn't have worn heels. That was my first thought. I towered. He was shorter, kind of paunchy and my goodness, his online photos had been airbrushed. His skin was, well, ginger skin. I have the same issues. Kind of washed out and blotchy, with kind of oily patches and some acne. I wanted to give him a soothing moisturizer and some sunscreen.
We hugged hello and went back to the front to order his coffee. Then we went outside to sit in the waning sunshine and talk. We talked about radiation and how much is safe and what exactly he was doing with work. He was a fantastic conversationalist. I really do adore talking to people. That's my favorite part of dating, I think. Learning so much from new people about their experiences and viewpoints. We are both atheist and in the south, that's a statement.
He recounted the story of his moving here from New York and talked about how he moved kind of quickly for work and when he got here he was looking for something entertaining to do, so he meandered down to a famous local town square, known for interesting shops, food, and events in the summer. When he got there, he accidentally happened upon a reenactment of Sherman's March to the Sea. Everyone was in Civil War era uniform and he was so freaked out that he wondered what in the world he had walked into and wondered if southerners did this all the time. I laughed and told him that Sweet Home Alabama wasn't just a crazy film, people really do that sort of thing.
So then he tells me about his love of antiqueing and I think that it's pretty cool. I love things with history. Things like me, damaged, but valuable. He tells me that he came across this vintage doll that he just couldn't resist. She was naked and had no arms or legs. He calls her... wait for it... he calls her "Amputina" and she is like his favorite possession. That's not weird.
Turns out he's one of those scornful atheist types. I'm just not that way. There are angry atheists and incredulous atheists and then scornful ones. I mean, it's hard for me to believe that people believe what they do about "God, with a capital 'G'" but I'm more the envious atheist. I wish I could believe with that conviction. I just don't. You won't hear me make fun of Christian folks any harder than I make fun of anyone else and I don't possess the vitriol to be scornful like some atheists do. I guess in my mind, acting that way just confirms what people believe about us. So he tells about this woman he once knew who was an atheist who decorated her whole bathroom in Jesus paraphernalia in an ironic way to make fun of Christians and he thought it was hilarious. I just thought it was kind of sad and strange. But what do I know?
So our date winds down and he walks me to my car. I wasn't particularly physically attracted to him, and I tried to make that very clear by hugging him and quickly retreating. Oh no, he isn't letting go. How can I extract myself from this without being bitchy or unkind? Oh no, he's leaning in to kiss me. Oh no, I don't like this at all. Let's untangle this quickly. Yeah, that's still unpleasant. RETREAT!
I finally created some distance between us. I've always wondered if my signals are just that confusing or if men just can't read them or if some guys are just fucking creeps. I don't know. Either way, when a girl hugs you goodnight while pointedly avoiding your lips, you shouldn't try to kiss her anyway. I can't stress that enough. I just felt awkward and uncomfortable and all I wanted to do was get out of there and go home.
I've learned my lesson about just not responding to messages or calls, so I just let it kind of fizzle out on its own. I was relieved more than anything. He just wasn't it for me.
My next blog is going to be catch up. What I'll do is tell you what happened to each of the guys and maybe share some of the things I've learned this year. It's been a year. Wow.
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