What Works (and What Really, Really Doesn't)

So, folks, I know I've been AWOL lately, but I promise you there's a good reason for it. I'm not telling you today, so just table that for a few weeks out. Today, I want to talk about the things that work when a guy tries to show that he's interested in me. I also want to talk about what really just doesn't work. This is a good one to share with your guy friends, your brothers, your dad (if he's all single and stuff). Share this with your guy friends for all the single ladies out there.

Pickup lines:

Okay, I know these are old hat, but I'm known occasionally for throwing out a corny one myself from time to time. When in doubt, don't. If you know she's funny and cheesy and will take it well, go ahead. In fact, the first example I have is so wrong I can't believe it works, but I'm told it does.

1.)  "Bey, saby, how's your fussy peel?"  Don't ask me how that works, but a dear friend of mine swears that in a bar, that pickup line works on women. I can admit that if a guy walked to me with brass like that, I'd be intrigued, but only after I hit him.

2.) "Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day." Okay, I'm a die-hard runner. That worked stupid well the first time, decently the second time and was charming the third time. After that it got old. See, number one was charming because it was original. Originality is key. This one is most certainly not original, especially to a runner. I've heard it probably twenty times now and I roll my eyes every time now.

3.) "Did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven." Okay, yes, I have an angel wing tattoo. No, I'm not even close to angelic. In fact, you should see the other half of that tattoo scheme, but because of that pickup line, you never will.

4.) "Hey girl, is your name Google? Because you're everything I've been searching for." Okay, that's pure nerd humor and would totally work, but alas, that's a borrowed pickup line and no one has ever tried it on me.

5.) "Do you like bathtubs?" Okay, I have no idea what this meant, but when I heard it, I cracked into the biggest smile when I was taking myself too seriously. Those guys, some of my best friends, stole my heart that night and made me smile. I love those guys with all of me.

Okay, I've gotten those out of the way. I'll tell you what the best pickup line ever was. It was a smile. A big, sweet, genuine smile from a man who it turns out really likes me. My blogs are going to be slowing down these days because of him. I'll be pulling out some old, good stories, but for now, my OKCupid and Plenty of Fish profiles are deactivated and I'm walking on air somehow.

For next week, the guy with the worst tattoo ever. This one is pure gold.

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